toxic relationships

Desperate Victim’s plea for help

Michael Sefton, Ph.D. career criminal, Dangerousness assessment, domestic violence, domestic violence homicide, DVH, Human Behavior, terminal rage , , , , ,
DV_note B&W
Victim passed this note to Veterinarian staff – Photo VCSD

WESTBOROUGH, MA  June 6, 2018 A case of domestic violence unfolded on Memorial Day weekend in Volusia County, Florida when a female victim was being held by her live-in boyfriend. The note implores staff members of the DeLand Animal Hospital to call police because her partner was threatening her and had a gun.  These kinds of desperate measures occur occasionally and are dramatic and newsworthy. The staff at the DeLand Animal Hospital are to be commended.  But there are intimate partners everywhere who live in fear just as the indomitable victim who passed this note had been living.

“From coast to coast LEO’s are caught in this moth eaten, patchwork system that lacks resources for both the mentally ill and those addicted to alcohol and drugs.” Michael Sefton, Ph.D. 2018

As the story goes, her boyfriend had beaten her and was refusing to allow her to leave the couple’s home.  To her credit (perhaps life saving) she convinced the man that she needed to bring the dog to the veterinarian.  He agreed but would not allow her to go without him. Upon arrival this note was passed to a member of the hospital staff who knew just what to do.  The man is now behind bars being held without bail – manning his defense.

There is a consensus among experts in domestic violence that victims are abused multiple times – often threatened with death – before they call police for help.

As a society, more needs to be done to fill-in the holes in the system designed to keep families safe.  Safety plans and orders of protection are not enough.  From coast to coast LEO’s are caught in this moth eaten, patchwork system that lacks resources for both the mentally ill and those addicted to alcohol and drugs. The holes in the system allow for violence prone individuals to allude police and coerce victims into silence.  But every once in a while, a silent victim writes a life saving note and gives it to the right person.

Domestic violence happens in family systems that are secretive, chaotic, and dysfunctional.  This lifestyle pushes them into the margins of society – often detached from the communities in which they live.

The abusive spouse makes his efforts known within the system by his barbaric authoritarian demands.  He keeps his spouse isolated as a way of controlling and manipulating whatever truth exists among these disparate family members.  The consequence of this isolation leaves women without a sense of “self” – alone an emotional orphan vulnerable to his threat of abandonment and annihilation.

Successful intervention for these families must slowly bring them back from the margins into the social milieu. Arguably, the resistance to this is so intense that the violent spouse will pull up stakes and move his family at the first sign of public scrutiny.

Police officers are regarded as the front line first responders to family conflict and DV.  For better or worse, the police have an opportunity to effect change whenever they enter into the domestic foray.  This affords them a window into the chaos and the opportunity to bring calm to crisis.  In many cases, the correct response to intimate partner violence should include aftermath intervention when the dust has settled from the crisis that brought police to this threshold.  When this is done it establishes a baseline of trust, empathy, and resilience.

Community policing has long espoused the partnership between police and citizens.  The positive benefits to this create bridges between the two that may benefit officers at times of need – including the de facto extra set of eyes when serious crimes are reported.  But the model goes two ways and requires that police return to their calls and establish protocols for defusing future events meanwhile processing and understanding the current actions of recent police encounters. When done effectively the most difficult families may be kept off the police radar screens for longer periods of time that can be a good thing when it comes to manpower deployment and officer safety.

Gun-violence Restraining Orders

Michael Sefton, Ph.D. domestic violence homicide, Health Psychology, Human Behavior, psychological relevence, terminal rage , , , , ,
firearm-revolver-bullet-gun-53219.jpegWESTBOROUGH, MA APRIL 8, 2018 Restraining orders in cases of domestic violence have been around for decades or longer. At times people require formal court orders of protection from those who might bring forth violence to loved ones.  I have personally written over 50 requests for protection of a victim of domestic violence.  Most of these are temporary order issued by an on-call judge who listens to police officer statements over the telephone.  They are usually granted and valid through the next court day – generally within 48 hours.  The problem is that after the 48 hours is up the conflict between intimate partners has been long forgotten resulting in a waste of police resources and an irritated district court judge. Obviously this is not always the outcome.
In Massachusetts, the MGL 209-A covers orders of protection and its legal underpinning. Section 3B in MGL 209-A requires the removal of firearms from those with active RO’s taken out against them.  As many as 50 percent of restraining orders (RO’s) also called protection from abuse orders (PFO’s) are continued because the victim showed up at court and testified as to the protection she believes is needed and fear she feels living with her intimate partner.  These are not new and the complaints and dysfunction among intimate partners is a continuous drain on LEO resources.
Calls for service because of domestic violence are frequent.  Police officers are often asked to keep the peace at times when violence has occurred.  Arrests are mandatory when physical injury has occurred.  At this point police are required to remove the violent spouse and offer protection from further abuse to the victim and her family.  When RO’s are granted there is a growing belief that guns should be taken from subjects against whom RO’s are granted.  Experts say these GVRO laws are modeled after domestic-violence restraining orders that also authorize police to take away guns from people who pose threats to their partners, but with safeguards.
“Ensuring the mental wellness and health of first responders has long been an under appreciated task for the heads of police agencies. U.S. law enforcement has learned from tragic events over the years and now trains to respond to threats with the best equipment and practices known today. However, many chiefs are not prepared to deal effectively with the intense scope and unanticipated duration of the aftermath of these events, and many chiefs are unaware of the impact such events will have on their communities and the officers in their agencies.”
“These red-flag laws are a possible solution because they’re an intermediate step between doing nothing and trying to involuntarily hospitalize an individual,” said Christopher Slobogin, a law professor at Vanderbilt University.
“While LEO’s may be more resilient, law enforcement officers also quietly deal with an outsized share of our society’s violence and death. As a result, too many officers struggle with alcoholism, post-traumatic stress disorder, and depression.”
“You can’t just call up law enforcement and say this person that I’m mad at is a danger to me, it is not possible without judicial oversight,” said April Zeoli, a professor who studies domestic violence at Michigan State University. Her research shows these restraining orders reduced intimate partner violence by 13%.
“Research data provide strong evidence supporting the effectiveness of emotional fitness training to enhance resilience, positive emotions, cognitive flexibility, and emotional well-being, and more importantly, they strengthen professional pride and organizational commitment” according to Tung Au, et.al. in the Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology in 2018.
Felons, the dangerously mentally ill, perpetrators of domestic violence – these people have demonstrated their unfitness to own a firearm” David French, 2018
Supporters say the “red flag” measure—also known as a gun-violence or extreme-risk protection order—offers a way to address a legal conundrum: how to take action against people perceived as an imminent threat to themselves or others, but who haven’t done anything illegal.
Au, W.T., Wong, Y.Y., Leung, K.M. et al. J Police Crim Psych (2018). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11896-018-9252-6
French, D. A (2018) Gun Control Measure Conservatives Should Consider. National Review, February 2018
Kamp, J. and Mahtani, S. (2018) States Consider Laws Allowing Courts to Take Guns From Dangerous People  ‘Red flag’ measures are gaining ground after Florida high school shooting. Wall Street Journal
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Protection from abuse: the role of social media in the reduction of safety

Michael Sefton, Ph.D. domestic violence, domestic violence homicide, DVH, Human Behavior, terminal rage , , , , , , , ,
WESTBOROUGH, MA March 20, 2018  Greater protection of victims of domestic violence is needed.  When provisions for a plan of safety are executed victims are expected be afforded greater safety but not always. Domestic violence victims are at greatest risk when they make the decision to leave a violent partnership.  This often means having a safety plan – especially when specific threats have been made. Safety plans are often drawn up by women in conjunction with counselors who specialize in helping families stay off the grid and hidden from violent spouses.  In one case of familial homicide and suicide it was clear that the commonalities needed to be exposed among cases of familial homicide.
In particular, when I teach law enforcement officers about DVH,  I encourage detailed witness statements much as possible especially if the victim described the fear and belief that she will one day be murdered by her partner. These documented statements, if spontaneously uttered, are often the greatest predictor of potential harm to victims and her children. If written into a police report the decision about dangerousness and bail may be influenced.
In the 2011 homicide from Maine, Steven Lake used social media to track his wife and 2 children from whom he was mandated to stay away.  Yet, if his wife posted a photograph of his children he went to great lengths to undermine their safety by identifying anyone who “liked” the photo or commented on it. He used these posts to triangulate her whereabouts and living arrangements.  This was a large part of what marginalized Stephen Lake and in turn Lake posted his own propaganda espousing his loneliness and love for his children. Lake garnered significant support from those social media “friends” who knew nothing about what he had done to require the protection from abuse order. Many, in fact, encouraged him to fight for his children which may have been a catalyst in his festering resentment and ultimately terminal rage. He was provided information and access to his wife’s social media platforms by a family member.  For her part, Lake’s wife wanted to remain close to her in-laws in an effort to normalize her children’s life as much as possible. For example  Lake’s parents were invited to the family’s thanksgiving celebration but declined because Steven Lake could not attend.
Similarities in domestic violence
Cases of domestic violence have similarities across socioeconomic status, ethnic and cultural background, and the cycle of abuse. The growth of social media platforms affords those inclined to control and isolate intimate partners from persons who might provide them security. Cases of domestic violence share the common theme of intimidation, coercion and control.  Social media are a fun and useful medium to keep in touch with friends and family.  But it is also lends itself to sometimes nefarious trolling to gain a perceived advantage in undermining the safety plan. Social media trolling contributes to the control they seek especially when victims seek protection.  In order to limit the impact of social  media stalking victims need to shut down all social media accounts and activity. Greater protection of victims and family members requires a comprehensive plan with provisions for times when they are violated – including mandatory arrest, risk assessment and no bail containment if deemed necessary.
“That is one conclusion of four former and current police officers in a recently released report. The men, who were volunteers and had no connection to the shootings, spent the last several months interviewing 69 people about the triple homicide and suicide in Dexter in June, to suggest ways to prevent future tragedies.” Portland Press Herald, November 11, 2011
The Psychological Autopsy report suggests improvements that may prevent future domestic violence homicides:
• Use of social media platforms by people involved in conflicts should be minimized, to prevent intimidation and stalking.
• Protection-from-abuse orders and bail conditions should mandate disclosure of all firearms that are accessible to the domestic-violence offender.
• An offender who seeks, hides, uses or attempts to acquire a gun or ammunition when a protection-from-abuse order is in place should be charged with a felony and not allowed bail.
• Bail amounts should be high enough to deter abusers from violating a protection orders.
• When a protection order violation involves a deadly threat, a judge should set bail, not a bail commissioner.
• Global positioning systems should track abusers during periods of protection orders in any incidents that involve deadly threats or evidence of weapons.
• At least two officers should be sent to all domestic-violence calls when officers suspect violence is likely.
• At-risk spouses should be advised to live in as secure an environment as possible, with deadbolts on doors, secured windows, motion sensor lights and a land telephone line.
• People charged with domestic violence crimes should not wait more than a year to go to trial.
The safety of potential victims including children is the penultimate goal of protection orders but too often they are ignored via stalking efforts that include using social media to track the activities of an estranged spouse.  This overt defiance requires careful analysis and requires the arrest of the violator.  Once this takes place a dangerousness hearing must take place before he or she is released but this rarely takes place.

Police response to Domestic Violence

Michael Sefton, Ph.D. CIT, crisis intervention, domestic violence, domestic violence homicide, Human Behavior , , , , , , ,

Police officers are regarded as the front line first responders to family conflict and domestic violence.  For better or worse, the police have an opportunity to effect change whenever they enter into the domestic foray – whether an arrest is made or not.  This affords them a window into the chaos within the effected family system and the opportunity to bring calm to crisis.  In many cases, the correct response to intimate partner violence should include aftermath intervention when the dust has settled from the crisis that brought police to this threshold. At these times the communication between family and police may be operationalized, improved and redefined.  When this is done it establishes a baseline of trust, empathy, and resilience.

The force of life and the fears that go along

Michael Sefton, Ph.D. Childhood violence, Human Behavior, Parenting, Relationships , , ,

Another look at the mind body dialogue.  The force of life lies within our body bringing forth our human energy.  Those energy traces forge the bonds that form meaningful relationships in time and space and sustain us. The force of life starts with a tiny heart’s beating and does not stop until life’s last day when the heart no longer makes its inimitable squeeze.

The meaning of what is human is derived from the social appetence inscribed into it by mentors and those who tend to its garden from early on.  Human growth stems from a carefImageully crafted blend of biological gifts and environmental design shaped over time. This may be lost without the core ingredients and nurturing bond that nourish it.  In their absence, the vessel becomes incapable of tolerating life’s abject aloneness and may become diseased.  The heart is a muscle that does not tire and yet it must be sustained or it quickly loses it lean and supple appearance slowly requiring more energy to power its life long lub-dub, lub-dub while still perfusing the body.  Arguably, the interaction between one’s heart and one’s head is undeniable.  What we do and how we think has much to do with the health of the body and ultimately, our life force.

Finding balance

It takes time to establish the human contacts needed to trust another person and put yourself in the hands of another with complete emotional certitude.  The fundamental appetence for living is shaped by the relationships made during life.  Those relationships that nurture and sustain may extend ones years of viability.  Those relationships that suppress the normal, effusive, life force are detrimental to health much like a toxin.