There are few things that I do not believe I could emotionally survive, like the loss of my spouse, employment, and physical and mental vitality. Certainly, the death of a child is among the worst of all human experience for any parent at any age. This story is a heart wrenching, story of depravity and loss. To this day, the loss of one of my children would leave me shattered, angry, and helpless. I hope these individual stories will all resonate with our humility as human beings. 

The chaos and emotion evoked in mass casualty events such as the Manchester, UK bombing, Boston Marathon bombing and the Sandy Hook, CT Elementary School mass shooting leave searing memories that take months to years to process.  We are reminded of the overwhelming sadness we feel when looking at photographs of people we know are no longer with us. The loss of a child is among the more gut wrenching experiences families can ever endure. Meanwhile, members of law enforcement face multiple victims including young children like Saffie-Rose Roussos during large scale mass casualty events that forever leave their marks. I am working with a former paramedic which was dispatched to a motor vehicle crash in 1990 where a family walking across the street was struck by a vehicle being pursued by law enforcement. The first victim he came upon was a 4 year old girl who had obvious signs of death that he cannot shake 30 years on. These next stories are similarly evocative.

 I recently came upon the story of the death of this little girl in Manchester, England. Her name was Saffie-Rose Roussos. From the sound of the description of Saffie, she was a special little girl with an enchanting wit and precocious love of life. All children are special and we recognize the curious joy through which they live each moment and we cherish every nuance. 

On the night of the bombing, Saffie was attending a music concert with her mother and sister when a suicide bomber detonated his bomb in Manchester, UK.  To see Saffie-Rose, one is compelled to ask whether or not there is a higher power? and if so, how could he allow this little girl to be in harms way? Saffie Roussos died on May 17, 2017 asking for her mum and wondering aloud if “she was going to die?” What child should ever ask this question? It evoked in me a tortuous and unthinkable picture of helplessness. But it was far worse for those emergency responders who were called upon to care for Saffie as her life came to an end that night along with the 21 other victims of the terrorist attack. No person who has ever been dispatched to a mass casualty event, like the Manchester bombing, ever comes away without a substantive chink in the veneer of their emotional core. Many in EMS and cops alike quit after mass casualty events.

The story of Saffie-Rose Roussos brings together good and evil and the ruination of one tiny life, one family, one city, one country, and illustrated the abject courage shown by the youngest of 22 victims that night in May, 2017. For this reason, I am sorry for not just the victims of the blast, like Saffie-Rose, and her family. They are devastated to this day, as I would be. But the heroic efforts of first responders who were called upon to provide life saving measures for this child and the hundreds of others wounded in the bombing. Without a doubt, all experience the deep sense of loss and failure at not being able to provide advanced trauma care for Saffie, so that she might live. “Losing a child feels like the ultimate violation of the rules of life” according to HealGrief.org an organization that guides parents through coping with the death of a child. In this case, Saffie is said to have been conscious after becoming injured but could not be saved given the resources available in the chaotic aftermath of the explosion. The protocols call for rapid triage of the scores of people needing help and this is done in the minutes to hours after the event. It is very likely, Saffie did not have the advanced life support needed to manage the hemorrhagic shock she sustained from massive loss of blood. The human body will compensate for loss of blood only until, in shock, it can no longer maintain blood pressure. Survival is measured when fluid can be replaced and loss of blood can be stanched. In children, this compensatory window is much more tenuous and short lived. 

When I worked as a LEO we were taught techniques for trauma intervention that we were told might save our own life or someone else’s life one day in the event of a shooting or massive trauma resulting in life-threatening loss of blood volume. By using a properly place tourniquet, rescuers can stanch blood loss at times of massive trauma such as from a bomb blast that took the life of 8-year old Saffie-Rose Roussos of Leyland, Lancashire in UK. Saffie was killed while attending a concert in Manchester, England in May, 2017. She was the youngest of 22 people killed on the night of May 17, 2017 when a suicide bomber Salman Abedi blew himself up in the lobby of a Manchester concert venue. Terrorism. 

“Medically trained people were with her. And she was asking for help. She knew what was happening. And she bled to death.” BBC 2021. “How do we carry on living with this information? How can we carry on breathing with this information?” asked Saffie Roussos’s father Andrew Roussos. BBC Judith Mortiz report January 17, 2021

BBC Judith Mortiz report January 17, 2021

Saffie’s father Andrew described his described his daughter as a “perfect, precious, beautiful daughter” who “melted people’s hearts” with those big brown eyes,” adding: “It’s like the best artists got together and drew her from top to toe.” according to a story in the BBC that was published during the public inquiry into the bombing last year. It is likely that the Roussos family is feeling the injustice of Saffie’s death. Anger is part of loss and healing and often is unresolved years after the traumatic loss of a child. Especially given the despicable nature of what caused Saffie to become gravely injured.

 All bereaved parents lose a part of themselves and often require months or years to understand the extent of their grief and anger.

“I did die that day, inside I’m dead. My heart is so heavy, it weighs me down” said Lisa Roussos, Saffie’s mum, now 3 years on. The Roussos family feels the loss of Saffie-Rose every day. 

Lisa Roussos

The immensity of traumatic loss was never more palpable than in 2012 when the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT came under attack by 20-year old Adam Lanza. Lanza first killed his mother with whom he lived and next drove to the largely unprotected elementary school and opened fire, killing 20 first-grade children and 6 adults trying to protect them.

Adam Lanza, 20, committed one of the most hideous acts of murder in history and is forever described as pure evil. Yet he was evaluated at the Yale University Child Study Center in New Haven. He was seen by a clinical psychiatrist, the report states. Ostensibly, the evaluation “purportedly to determine if Lanza had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in the context of a putative diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome” in a piece written by Aaron Katersky and Susanna Kim in 2014 about the Newtown Massacre. Adam Lanza’s own father said “you cannot get any more evil” when talking about his son in the months after the shooting. Lanza openly wished that his son had never been born, raising an ironic specter between the loss of a child and being unable to love a child who commits unthinkable violence and died in the process. What possible conciliation may be find in his public statements months after the massacre? There is no denying that the Newtown shooting is among the most horrific and despicable violent crimes of the 21st century. No one will ever forget that December morning and the disbelief and horror it instilled. Other acts of violence toward children are documented. This is by no means a complete chronology.  

Perhaps the greatest sporting event in the United States takes place every April, ending on Boylston Street in Boston, Massachusetts. Martin Richard, 8, a child watching the Boston Marathon in 2013 was killed by a pressure cooker bomb filled with ball bearings, marbles and other shrapnel that was a homemade bomb made to kill and maim unsuspecting families watching the annual running event. Hundreds lost arms and legs in the two bomb explosions. 

Martin Richard was a special child.  He is not shown in these bombing photographs. His parents have gone on to honor him with annual community events geared toward raising funds for parks and other community projects. In all, over 300 people were injured in addition to the initial 3 people who died in the bombing – including Martin. “The minute the defendant fades from our newspapers and TV screens is the minute we begin the process of rebuilding our lives and our family.” according to a Richard family statement in the Boston Globe as the Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was being tried for the murder of Martin and 2 others on Patriot’s Day in 2013. For their part, the Martin family spoke out against the death penalty which was handed down to the surviving marathon bomber who was captured in Watertown, MA after a 4 day manhunt just a few miles from where they murdered MIT Police Officer Sean Collier in their effort to escape. 

We are all enormously impacted by events such as these and are left feeling sickened by the shear numbers of injuries and deaths.  Saffie-Rose Roussos, Martin Richard, and 20 kids at Sandy Hook Elementary School, 17 teens at Stoneman Douglas HS, and 32 students and faculty at Virginia Tech were all victims of violence and we should never forget these events and so many more, in human history.  The families remember the names and the horrors of the day.  The sadness of these losses makes our heart’s bleed and ache for all those who have lost a loved one to violence.  Even when you are the angry parent of a child you wish had never been born, a further violation of the rules of life.  No person who has ever been dispatched to a mass casualty event, like the Manchester bombing, ever comes away without a substantive chink in the veneer of their emotional core.

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AARON KATERSKY and SUSANNA KIM (2014) 5 Disturbing Things We Learned Today About Sandy Hook Shooter Adam Lanza. November 21, 2014

Family Of Martin Richard Opposed Death Penalty For Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, 2015. CBS TV Boston TV July 31, 2020.